angry bean

i'm bex. this blog has sort of run the gamut, beginning in the summer of 2010 when i lived alone in a cabin in northern minnesota up through my return to central ohio, my grad school work, some art, and whatever comes my way.

It’s been an awesome twenty-four hours.

Last night I got a text from my old roommate Steven saying he was coming to town to see Tragedy.  I didn’t even realize there was a show until he told me but I agreed to go because I wanted to hang out.  That turned out to be a really good idea. 

When I got there I was in a crap mood (insomnia, multiple job rejections, no money, quit smoking) but once Steven showed up it was actually impossible for me to stay cranky.  He just got his Master’s in Social Work as well so we had stuff to talk about.  It’s hard to believe it was nine years ago when we all moved into Fifteenth House.  Also, I thought I’d never seen Tragedy before but he reminded me they played in the Legion’s basement a long time ago and we were there.  I kind of remember that. 

Anyway once I got done being cranky I was stoked to see some Columbus bands play before heading to Minneapolis.  Silo, Nukkehammer, and Struck by Lightning were awesome.  I only watched Tragedy play three songs but I didn’t actually mind leaving early, I was up at the front when they went on and people were pushing really hard to get closer to the music so I had to brace myself to keep from crushing my knees against the stage or smashing my face in to the guitarist’s pedals.  Eventually I was using all my strength to stay upright and then some dude stepped on my shoulder and I felt old so I was happy when Joe called.  He drives a reefer and he had a load going from NJ to Olney so he managed to take his ten hour break in Cbus. 

I took 70-W to Sullivant and picked Joe up from the terminal super late.  I hadn’t seen him in over a month so that was super sweet.  We stayed up late and I woke up early in the morning to my phone ringing.  I missed the call but the voicemail was a request for a phone interview for a job in St. Paul. 

hello blog,

i know it’s been quiet around here for a while.  i’ve been kind of busy.

i’m have my master’s degree now, as well as my social work license. 

i’m very excited about moving to minneapolis (yeah, that’s happening) but i’m also terrified.  it’s just a matter of time, but now it seems that i may be there permanently in about 4 weeks - i will know more about that soon.  i’ll have all the love in the world waitin for me there, but it’s going to be hard, and lonely sometimes, and definitely confusing not living in this city where i’ve been for +25 years.

there are going to be a lot of huge changes.  i’ve been a grad student for a while now, and with that comes a certain amount of poverty.  definitely a helluva lot of privilege too, i’m not denying that for a second - if you can go to grad school you can’t really complain about being poor or anything, but at the same time you aren’t going to eat anything fancy or buy any pretty clothes for a long time.  basically once i have a “career” type of job, for the first time in my life i’ll be able to PICK FURNITURE OUT AT A STORE instead of lugging it out of the back alley or buying it at the thrift store.  the idea of actually buying a couch because i like how it looks is this baffling idea for me, and it’s kind of hitting me now that i’ll be able to do that.  or, yknow, get myself some t-shirts the next time i’m at a good show instead of coveting them.  cool. i really need t-shirts.

i’ve been going through this intense process recently of purging myself of all unnecessary belongings.  i’m intending to move with just a carload of stuff, having already taken one car’s worth up in february.  i’ve gotten rid of 3/4 of my clothes, and i’ll be getting rid of all but a box of my records, almost all my books, all my furniture, most of my kitchen ware…. it’s crazy!  feels good.

other things are going to be weird too.  some of these jobs i’m thinking about really require me to dress up and that stuff - i never thought i’d be running around in a blazer with a briefcase or something, but here we are.  on that topic, i still don’t have a basic concept of how to put on makeup, if anyone wants to show me.  i can do the kind of makeup you’d wear for fun, but not that you wear to an interview (HELP).  i guess i have to buy some clothes.  i’m trying to find shirts to wear that cover my tattoos, that can be a pain, as i dislike buttoning up shirts so they’re strangling my neck. 

i’ve been doing weird things like learning about mortgages and credit scores.  WHAT IS HAPPENING TO ME?  AM I AN ADULT OR SOMETHING? 

Error.

Error.

i know i’ve been silent here lately and i wanted to say something about that.

i tried several times to write some more abstract things and felt disingenuous because it wasn’t my style of expression.

i feel like blogs present this confusing situation for me, as someone trying to be a young professional, and also as someone who loves to express herself creatively and wants to share that with the outside world.  as someone who wants to maintain a professional demeanor i feel like i need to keep a stiff upper lip but on the other hand, we did learn that to be good social workers we should attempt to remain genuine as much as possible, and that would include sharing emotions with one’s friends and family.  it’s hard to identify sometimes what’s appropriate to share with the rest of humanity when i’m having really strong feelings… and also, in our culture, some feelings (e.g. love) are much more appropriate to share than others (e.g. grief).  so for the most part here i’ve leaned toward saying as little as possible, but that does get pretty goddamn boring.

Christmas eve walk. 

Christmas eve walk. 

i totally said this earlier AND I’M SAYING IT AGAIN: because strange things keep us going on the darkest nights. my scandinavian ancestors used to leave butter on their door posts on the darkest day of the year so that the reindeer of the Goddess of Sanity would stop to eat it, and she might deign to return their lost minds.

celebrate solstice, whatever your religion.  things are going to get better now.  there will be light.

Anonymous asked: Hi! Love the recent drawings you posted

Thanks that means a lot to me

waiting

waiting

lonely winter

lonely winter

doods: i just submitted this ridic movie to a contest. wish me well. watch it if you’d like. let me be clear that the main character in no way is representative of me or anyone i know, it’s a symbol of people who have to live with mental illness. that being said: 

ethan and i went to a wedding recently and while we were there i ninja-barfed by the car (that means i didn’t let anybody see it) and i had to go home early.  i made him stay there and when he came back he had picked a bouquet of wildflowers for me.  he got one of each kind.  (i win!)

ethan and i went to a wedding recently and while we were there i ninja-barfed by the car (that means i didn’t let anybody see it) and i had to go home early.  i made him stay there and when he came back he had picked a bouquet of wildflowers for me.  he got one of each kind.  (i win!)

HAIR IS BACK!

HAIR IS BACK!